Yesterday
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There’s not half the files there used to be,
And there’s a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong. What it was I could not say.
Now all my data’s gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
Eleanor Rigby
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn’t it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while…
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Unix Man
He’s a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans for nobody.
Knows the blocksize from du()
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn’t he a bit like you and me?
UNIX Man, please listen()
My lpd() is missin’
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is at() your command.
He’s as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me at all?
UNIX Man, don’t worry
Test with time(), don’t hurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.
He’s a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans for nobody …
Making all his UNIX plans for nobody.
Write in C (“Let it Be”)
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
“Write in C.”
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
“Write in C.”
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO’s dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you’ve just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC’s not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won’t quite cut it.
Write in C.
Something
Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm’s logic!
Something in the way it coredumps…
I don’t want to leave it now
I’ll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer’s got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me…
I don’t want to leave it now
I’m too close to leave it now
You’re asking me can this code go?
I don’t know, I don’t know…
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don’t know, I don’t know…
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me…
I don’t want to leave it now
I’ll fix this tonight I vow!
Windows of your mind
Like a trouser needing hemming,
Like a nose that longs to sniff,
Like the squealing of a lemming>
As it topples off a cliff;
Like a system overloading,
Like an ambush in the gloom,
Like a VDU exploding,
Throwing glass across the room;
Like a maggot in an apple
That you notice once you’ve bit –
That’s how I feel when I grapple
With this useless heap of *bleep*,
Reinstalling on my drive
Bloody Windows 95.
The upgraded form of Windows
Launched in 1995
Never helps but always hinders,
Though its author seems to thrive.
Yet in each important feature
It’s a dead and total loss;
It’s an awkward, bastard creature
With its shrivelled core of DOS.
Though the pundits all abuse it
And the punters know it smells,
They’ve no option but to use it
‘Cos there isn’t nothing else.
That’s why everyone alive
Uses Windows 95
Never working, always crashing,
Never better, always worse;
When your hard drive it is trashing,
You will squeal and you will curse.
For your days are spent in terror
And your nights are spent in fear
That the screen will flash up ERROR
And your work will disappear.
Is it punishment from Satan
Or the malice of the fates?
There’s no use in us debatin’,
We had better ask Bill Gates.
You’re unlikely to survive
Using Windows 95.
Credits
I don’t know where this originally came from but it was kindly passed on to me by Di Joyce at Network Rail
